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A Guide to Losing It; Bitterly
Illyria, AtS
browneyedkat
(a poem) (sort of)



It's not fair

how much I like you.


You found me

starstruck

and loved me with

careful

care that broke me.


You snuck into

my heart filled with something

I can't call love.


I sacrificed

the glue of my self

so you could fit in the spaces.


Sometimes

you look at me and I

worry that no one will ever know me

like you do. Other

times, I miss

your glances and I worry

you never knew me at all.


Your birthday gift sits

in a bottom drawer. I left it

with the words I wanted you

to read.


My hands feel empty

and restless. I can't help but remember

the last time I saw you when

you wouldn't let me sleep

on your shoulder.


I plan ways to

thank you.

I refuse to send you

the messages I write.

I check often to see when you are coming

home. To me

it cannot be too soon.


We spoke only

once since you left. I hated you

then.

I felt it;

something shattered.


I can't wait

to hear your voice. Tell me

now

how it is fair

that by a living ghost

relentlessly

I am haunted.

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